It Always Ends In Apologies

Nearly every relationship I've ever had that went bad has a follow-up of that other person apologizing to me.

Usually it is many years later after that person has grown and matured and realizes the terrible things they did to me. They feel a guilt about it an have an internal need to make amends with me.

I always wish it had happened a lot sooner though, when it really could have made a difference. When we were still together.

This ritual has happened to me many so many times now that I've come to expect it. I don't take it for granted by any means though. Instead, I welcome it with open arms. Usually I become good friends with this person afterwards.

There is one single person however who has been trying to apologize to me for years now. And I refuse him that pleasure because of the things he did to me during the time we were together. His actions that finally broke my spirit.

It is unlikely I will ever forgive him.

Recently, I got a slew of emails and phone calls from someone I recently dated who really wanted to talk to me.

I stopped speaking to him literally over night. We were spending every day together for weeks. Then I realized he had only carnal intentions. No desire at all to actually care for me in the way I had hoped for.

It was such a hard blow because we had spent YEARS trying to get together. I had imagined him only as a boyfriend. But he only wanted to make out on his couch and wouldn't meet up with me in town for any reason.

Back to his sudden urgent need to contact me again:

He finally said the right thing in one of his messages and I answered his next call. We spent the next half hour catching up. While he apologized profusely and showered me with compliments.

He even admitted that it was me that made him realize where he was going wrong in his life and so he quit his job. That's pretty flattering.

We ended the call with him hinting that he is ready now to focus on me. As in, "I have plenty of time now to do the things you wanted to do with me and I even want a girlfriend now." Coming from him this was a big deal. He just DIDN'T EVER have a girlfriend.

A couple days later I seemed to get a positive sign we should hang out. I called him up and that weekend he picked me up and we headed out to a local holiday type family fair.

He spent the entire time looking like a bored husband at the mall with the wife during holiday shopping, walking far ahead of me, and taking at least 4 phone calls and acting as if I wasn't even there. What the hell?! Everything he had said to me on the phone seemed like absolute bullshit.

I'm not quite sure what to think of it but I won't likely ever call him again.