Is your Boyfriend Gay?

I keep seeing these "Is your Husband Gay?" survey ads.

Which makes me think it "How did they know?"

Although the question would actually be "Is your Boyfriend Gay?"

More than a few times now I've dated guys that are either:

A) Bi and I don't know it until later.

or

B) I think he is Bi or straight up gay and he doesn't know it.

One type of guy I'm attracted to is the androgynous one or at least a bit on the feminine side.

First time it happened to me was about 18 years ago. He looked real tough. Had a mohawk and wore combat boots every day. But his face was real pretty, like a model.

He was the REALLY sensitive one in the relationship. I'd find scribblings on paper where he'd write my name with his last name over and over. He's sneak notes into my school work and books saying how he missed me and asking me what I wanted for lunch when I came home from class. He even got a key to my apartment (without my permission) and would wake me for school and make me coffee. He was driving my roommate nuts being there ALL of the time.

He was always very adamant about how I could never give him a blow job. There has GOT to be something going on with any guy that passes up oral sex!

We ended up breaking up because he smothered me all the time and became obsessive with me. He cried. He often cried.

Months later I got an Xmas card in the mail from his father that asked if he had a girlfriend OR BOYFRIEND and a big light bulb came on in my brain.

"Oooooh, that explains a lot of things!"

More recently I dated a guy who had this same tough guy and pretty face thing going on. He rode a motor cycle and lived in the country. He worked incredibly hard manual labor all day on the private property of a local lawyer. Sometimes when he'd come home from work he'd strip down naked outside before coming in. It was damn sexy.

Things that makes me think he is gay:

• All the girls he dates are either very tomboyish or are outright on the homely side. Most of them look like efeminite boys.

• His best friend is an older gay man.

• His boss appears to be gay to me as well. And he is certainly his "do boy". I often wondered if something was going on with them. They even hung out outside of work and ran "errands" for him on weekends.

• When we had sex it was because I initiated it. And when it happened it lasted all of moments with no foreplay. He seemed very inexperienced in bed with a female.

• While I had the hardest time getting him to have sex with me, he had anal sex toys and lube in the drawer right next to his bed. Surprisingly, he didn't want to have anal sex with me.

• He also had leather chaps in one of his drawers. Really.

So yeah, I'm convinced he is gay although I think he is in denial of it. I imagine him getting married and coming out after he "finds himself" at the age of 45.

I need to learn to spot these kinds of guys to stop wasting my time on them.

Creepy Pervy Email Example

Just got this email, wtf? It is amazing that someone thinks this would actually work.

Your Therapy Session

Ok time for you to lay on the couch and for the session to start.

Your eyes are growing heavy....it is harder and harder to keep them open.......you feel tired and ready to rest.....your eyes are closing.....you are falling asleep......you are falling deeper and deeper into sleep. Your eyes are ... Read Morenow so heavy that you cannot open them. When I count to three you will be deep asleep and do exactly as I say. One........Two.........Three......now take off all your clothes! lol

Sorry I could not resist. But that fantasy could sure fire the imagination.

Wrong Side of the Bed

I woke up in a bad mood again for no reason at all. Probably something that happened in a dream.

Hate when that happens.

Last time I was in such a foul mood all day I tried to resolve it by masturbating.

It didn't really help.

It wasn't until later that night when I got properly laid that I was all smiles.

Sometimes it takes the real thing.

Frighteningly Independent

Here it is, creeping up on five hours away from 2009 and I'm alone. And when it strikes midnight I'll still be. The thing is, that's fine with me. If I can't be with the one I want to be with I'd rather not be with anyone.

This same independence I'm so comfortable with is the one that scares of possible suitors.

Most people have a need to be needed. And I rarely need anyone that badly besides myself that I want someone around all the time.

I can see how that might make someone feel insignificant. And turn them away from pursuing me beyond the bed.

The truth is, sometimes I'm tired of being alone and more and more lately I seem to find the need to have someone in my life again. For the long run.

Maybe 2009 will be the year for love and trust again.

I'd Like You to Meet my Fiancé

So it happened again. Douche bags never cease to amaze me.

I had been talking with a guy online for months. He seemed like a pretty genuine person too. He even offered to come stay with me to help me out with home repairs when he found out I was having financial problems.

At first I hadn't actually thought he was making advances at me.

Then we met in person completely by chance, at an event where we had mutual friends. Seemed like fate.

All evening we talked on and off and the flirting was much more obvious. He was getting progressively more intoxicated which only added to it. As well as making his true intentions clearer.

At one point he stood very close to me and declared that it was obvious we should be together and, "What are we going to do about it?"

He wouldn't stop talking about it so I leaned over and kissed him on the check. That sure shut him up....haha

Then a bit later he sat down next to me at my table and had a very serious look on his face and said he had to talk to me.

Then the truth all came pouring out. "I have been with this girl for years and we are now engaged. I realized 6 YEARS in that we were never going to work out."

Then he went into a story about how his father had pulled him aside and realized the same this. As if that made hitting on my OK.

At this point he is quite drunk. The girl that he came there with comes over to the table to get him to leave and he says, "Oh BTW, I'd like you to meet my fiancé."

She literally picks him up and they stumble out. My mind was blown. And we've hardly spoken since. I'm not honestly sure he even remembers what all happened that night.

Why are engaged men so attracted to me?

What I wouldn't do to me someone's only instead.

I'd rather not be a test of others' relationships.

It Always Ends In Apologies

Nearly every relationship I've ever had that went bad has a follow-up of that other person apologizing to me.

Usually it is many years later after that person has grown and matured and realizes the terrible things they did to me. They feel a guilt about it an have an internal need to make amends with me.

I always wish it had happened a lot sooner though, when it really could have made a difference. When we were still together.

This ritual has happened to me many so many times now that I've come to expect it. I don't take it for granted by any means though. Instead, I welcome it with open arms. Usually I become good friends with this person afterwards.

There is one single person however who has been trying to apologize to me for years now. And I refuse him that pleasure because of the things he did to me during the time we were together. His actions that finally broke my spirit.

It is unlikely I will ever forgive him.

Recently, I got a slew of emails and phone calls from someone I recently dated who really wanted to talk to me.

I stopped speaking to him literally over night. We were spending every day together for weeks. Then I realized he had only carnal intentions. No desire at all to actually care for me in the way I had hoped for.

It was such a hard blow because we had spent YEARS trying to get together. I had imagined him only as a boyfriend. But he only wanted to make out on his couch and wouldn't meet up with me in town for any reason.

Back to his sudden urgent need to contact me again:

He finally said the right thing in one of his messages and I answered his next call. We spent the next half hour catching up. While he apologized profusely and showered me with compliments.

He even admitted that it was me that made him realize where he was going wrong in his life and so he quit his job. That's pretty flattering.

We ended the call with him hinting that he is ready now to focus on me. As in, "I have plenty of time now to do the things you wanted to do with me and I even want a girlfriend now." Coming from him this was a big deal. He just DIDN'T EVER have a girlfriend.

A couple days later I seemed to get a positive sign we should hang out. I called him up and that weekend he picked me up and we headed out to a local holiday type family fair.

He spent the entire time looking like a bored husband at the mall with the wife during holiday shopping, walking far ahead of me, and taking at least 4 phone calls and acting as if I wasn't even there. What the hell?! Everything he had said to me on the phone seemed like absolute bullshit.

I'm not quite sure what to think of it but I won't likely ever call him again.

Important things I've painfully learned:

- ALWAYS trust your gut, don't ignore it. But don't overreact either. Instead, cautiously do your research. THEN act on it.

- Also don't trust anyone who has a need for secrecy in their life about themselves. Especially when it pertains to the relationship you have with them. Whatever that may be. If they hide little things that shouldn't matter, they have issues you need to be aware of.

- There is a difference between being dishonest and having a bit of privacy in your life about some topics. You don't need to tell everyone EVERYTHING about yourself. Not all at once anyway. This is a delicate thing and is different for everyone. You sometimes set yourself up to untrustworthy people by disclosing your weaknesses.